Here I am again, the new girl. This is the second time in my
life when I have had to dig up some deep roots and start completely over. My
first experience with newness was as a newlywed. Not one thing in my life was
the same. New name, new roommate (of a new gender!), new state, new school, new
church, new job, new grocery store, new EVERYTHING! This was a tough time in my
life. Although I was a Christian with a growing relationship with the Lord, I
did not really understand who I was in Christ. When all the sand in my life
started shifting, my feet were not firmly planted on the solid rock. I was
sinking. It was dark at times. I often felt alone, isolated, and just plain
sad. Those in my life during that time would probably say they had no idea I
was feeling so lost. These are the kinds of battles that are often waged behind
closed doors.
I vividly remember lying in bed alone one night. I turned my
head and noticed my Bible gathering dust on the nightstand. I knew it was my
life raft. I knew the power that book could wield in the midst of my struggle.
Yet I was weak. I felt so weak and so hopeless; I couldn’t even physically lift
my hand. So, how did I regain my
footing? One step at a time. Although I couldn’t lift a hand, I kept moving my
feet. I showed up at church. I signed up for retreats. I tried small groups and
eventually I landed in a Bible study with 2 women just a smidge ahead of me in
life. As I continued to seek my
God, the God I had grown up learning about, I began to find Him. I found Him in
relationships, I found Him in His Word and eventually I found Him in my
everyday life. In the process of finding Him, I was finding myself.
As I once again experience the sands of my life shifting, I
still falter from time to time. Just last week I had a mommy meltdown at the
pediatrician’s office, a grumbling session at the grocery store, and a less
than stellar attitude as a wife and mom. However, I have not completely lost my
footing. There is a solid rock on which I now stand. He sees me, He knows me,
He cares for me. He knows my past,
my present, and my future. He is
more than enough and I trust Him with all my heart.
Lord, You make all things new. Help me to embrace this
season of newness to be Your hands and feet wherever You have planted mine.
Psalm 40:2-3 He lifted
me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and
gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise
to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
