Looking for Jesus

The other day, Samuel and I visited Brandon at church. As we walked through the quiet hallways, Samuel cautiously peeked into different doorways and questioned, “Jesus?”

Samuel knows that when we go to church, we are there for Jesus. We worship Jesus, pray to Jesus and learn about Jesus. I love that Samuel was looking for Jesus today. My heart’s desire is that Samuel will find Jesus at an early age. I also want all of my boys to know that Jesus is not contained within the walls of Valley Church or any other church building. When they are playing in our house, sitting in the minivan or walking to school, Jesus is there. Today I am encouraged that my little one was looking for Jesus. Keep looking little buddy and you will find him!

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Happy Anniversary Iowa!

Last weekend we celebrated 1 year in Iowa. I have found myself recounting "last year at this time" over and over again. As I look back, I definitely remember the heartache of leaving so many people and places we love. However, I can not help but remember this season of life as a time where God's grace was so generously lavished upon us. I want to remember God's intimate love and care shown to us through our transition. Here are some snippets of that beautiful grace...

"The realtor is coming over today." I think my heart skipped a few beats. I knew it had to happen, but I just needed some time to clean up the last 6 or so years of clutter that had accumulated in every nook and cranny of our home. The realtor came on a Friday, Brandon left for the week on Saturday and the house was on the market with a walk through scheduled by Monday. I worked for hours tossing, storing, organizing and cleaning. The boys cooperated and allowed me that time. A dear friend came over Sunday night to help me finish those last few jobs that I had kept putting off. I am amazed that although not perfect, our home was ready to be shown.

"It only takes one person to buy your house." My mind was busy thinking through the different scenarios our family might face. Will I have to stay in Illinois with the boys while Brandon goes to Iowa? Would we go to Iowa without selling the house and rent or find other arrangements? Even if we do sell the house, will we be able to get into a new house in time? What about school for the boys? Should I quit my job now or wait and see? I did think about these questions, I did hope that things would move quickly, but for the most part, I was at peace. As the saying goes... I didn't know what my future held, but I knew the one who held my future.

"Can we schedule a second walk through?" I believe our house was on the market for 3 weeks when we received an offer. The offer was a bit low, but the buyers loved the house and were willing to negotiate (as were we) and we came to an agreement rather quickly. The boys and I had prayed together that this house would sell quickly and that it would be a blessing to whoever bought it. Although we never met the new owners, my dad did. The buyer said how happy she was to find the house and how much she loved it. When we shared the news that our house had sold, many called this a miracle and a clear moving of God's hand. We are thankful for God's grace.

"We have an opening in our 2 day classroom!" This special blessing from the Lord brought tears to my eyes. In the entire scope of our out of state move, my biggest concern was my children's schooling. Would we have a house before school started? Would there be room in the elementary school for Owen? Would there be any preschools with openings this late in the summer? I searched the web up and down for a preschool program for Miles. One preschool stated that a child could be placed on the wait list as soon as they were born and had a name! As I searched, I found one particular program that I was very interested in. Little Friends Preschool operated out of a small church about 15 minutes from Valley church. I was a little concerned about the distance since we were hoping to live near the church, but took the leap and checked it out. I fell in love. The pastor and director were wonderful and the program was very similar in hours and curriculum to our beloved Moms Day Out. And there was an opening! And if this wasn't enough, we ended up living about 2 minutes from the preschool!

"I think I might have a house you will like." One of our first meetings in Des Moines was with a church member who also happened to be a real estate agent. When Brandon officially accepted the position at Valley, he was one of the first people we called. Tony was so great dealing with these in-a-hurry home buyers. After a marathon of walking through all the houses I had found online, we went back to his office to regroup. Tony searched for vacant ranch houses and found 2 homes that seemed like a great fit for our family. We toured both, loved both and eventually bid on one. The bid was not accepted so we quickly wrote up an offer for the second home. Looking back, we see that this was the perfect house for us. We are so thankful to be in such a wonderful neighborhood!

"My sister goes to that church." Owen's first day of 2nd grade. It was such a strange time in our lives. Owen and I were staying in a home about 30 minutes from the school. Brandon and the little boys were in Rockford packing up the house. I nervously walked him to the school lawn and found his teacher. She cheerfully greeted us and I quickly briefed her on our situation. When I told her that we were moving here because of my husband's new job the topic of Valley Church came up. Owen's teacher was familiar with the church. She had done Bible study through our church and her sister even attended there. It was such a comfort to leave Owen in such good hands. Owen had the best year with Mrs. Weiss and we are so very thankful for her!

"Hi, my name is Sara." Probably about a year ago today I had a quick conversation that has turned into a dear friendship. A mom of 3 boys noticed this mom of 3 boys and introduced herself on the walk home from school one day. She offered to give me some information about doctors, sports for the boys, and everything in between. Sara has been such a blessing. We walk together and talk together and do a lot of life together. I haven't had such a good friend living just down the street since I was a little girl!

This year has had its full of ups and downs, but through it all we continue to see that God is faithful and so very worthy of our trust. We are thankful to God for his loving, tender and personal care for our family through it all. 

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Cor 9:8 

Layovers

I am in the process of planning a family vacation. My biggest headache right now is arranging transportation for our family. We have decided that an airplane is the way to go, however, will we be able to arrange a nonstop flight for a decent price? It’s not looking good.

So, what’s the big deal about a stop or two along the way? For starters… time. We want to make the most of every single moment and that doesn’t include travel time. Also, hauling carry-on luggage and three young children from one plane to another in an orderly fashion seems next to impossible and not very vacation like. And as if these issues were not enough, there is always the problem of feeding everyone during the trip.

When God brought the Israelites out of Egypt, it wasn’t a direct flight. God, the travel agent specializing in unique trips, had planned a very important layover… in the desert. The Israelites were not thrilled. When would they get where they were going? How would they manage all they had and get all they needed during this annoying route? And what about this whole desert thing? Why the desert?  I had never really thought about this last question. They were in Egypt heading to the Promised Land and the desert was in the middle. However, after reading God’s recounting of Israel’s liberation from Egypt in Ezekiel 20:10-11, I saw it. This desert layover was perfectly and precisely planned. God had an important purpose for this inconvenient stop. “Therefore I led them out of Egypt and brought them into the desert. I gave them my decrees and made known to them my laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them.” 

God brought His people, the Israelites, into the desert to teach them how to live. He had wisdom and direction and rules that were meant to set this people apart from all other nations. These commands were for the good of His people, shaping and molding them into children of God and the desert was a perfect setting to deliver this instruction. The past was behind them, the promise was before them. The Israelites were now in a distraction free zone. All they had to do was trust that their travel agent had their best interests at heart—that He knew what He was doing and would take care of all the details. But we all know how that turned out!

I am learning to love what God does in my deserts. Although they aren’t always pleasant at the time, I have seen the heart of my travel agent and I’ve come to trust his itinerary for my life. Now off to check on those airline tickets and ready to embrace a stop or two along the way.

Show me your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths… Psalm 25:4

I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Psalm 119:32

Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Psalm 119:35

Big Deals

McDonalds Playplace. I hate to think of the germs that lurk there, but tonight something special happened. A tearful mother walked to our table and explained the huge victory her son just experienced. “You might not think this is a big deal, but my son just asked your son to play.” This proud momma went on to explain the struggles her 7 year old son experienced due to autism. We celebrated with her and enjoyed watching the boys interact.

I wish I could take credit for my children. I wish I could say that I taught them whatever they needed to know to create this special moment, but I can’t. As a matter of fact, recently, I have been trying to shape and mold my children in ways that might hinder this kind of interaction in the future.

Tonight I was reminded that it is not my job to make my children fit a certain mold. My responsibility and privilege is to train up His children, the children God has created in His own image and for His own good purposes. You might not think this is a big deal, but I learned a lot about being a parent tonight. Now who’s the momma with tears in her eyes!

Tooth Fairy Fail

You know the new moves I was just writing about? Well, tripped up a bit the other night. Yesterday morning I was awakened at 6:03am by a very sad little boy. "Mom, my tooth is gone, but there is nothing in my tooth fairy pillow!" Um, can you say epic tooth fairy FAIL! Dad jumped out of bed and amazingly enough found the tooth fairy's gift laying on the floor next to the bed. A tooth fairy miracle! I'll just leave it at that.

Rhythm

I call Iowa my spacious place. God picked me up and moved me 4 1/2 hours west. He also moved me away from everyone and everything I had known for the past decade of life. Although relocating can take you away from difficult people or situations, it also removes the daily rhythm of relationships and routines to which you have become accustomed.

After my first few weeks in Iowa, I came to a realization. Life here was going to be different. Mind-blowing, huh!  I had to find a new rhythm. I needed to develop new relationships while learning to adjust old ones. I needed to figure out how to get through the day by myself with 3 boys. I needed to decide what stores to shop at and how to organize my house. I needed to figure out a schedule for getting a shower!!! At times, this process felt awkward and overwhelming. I stumbled around and had a lot of missteps. I was always trying to plot my next move, but my choreography was off.

Then something happened. I started tuning into the music that was playing. I took note of my surroundings and my circumstances. Although I might not have chosen the tune, I could certainly embrace this new rhythm and move to the music. My new moves include making our house a home through learning how to make a cleaning schedule and buying everything I see on etsy. It includes putting more time and effort into raising my boys. It includes meeting new people and going new places. Of course it still includes many awkward moments and missteps, but at least I am starting to feel the rhythm (and even starting to like the music)!

I'm planning to use this space to document some of my new moves. Although I am not trying to be perfect or turn my life into one big pinterest board, I am trying to find my rhythm. Sometimes it will work and sometimes... it just won't. Should be an interesting dance!

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. 

Psalm 30:11-12

The New Girl

Here I am again, the new girl. This is the second time in my life when I have had to dig up some deep roots and start completely over. My first experience with newness was as a newlywed. Not one thing in my life was the same. New name, new roommate (of a new gender!), new state, new school, new church, new job, new grocery store, new EVERYTHING! This was a tough time in my life. Although I was a Christian with a growing relationship with the Lord, I did not really understand who I was in Christ. When all the sand in my life started shifting, my feet were not firmly planted on the solid rock. I was sinking. It was dark at times. I often felt alone, isolated, and just plain sad. Those in my life during that time would probably say they had no idea I was feeling so lost. These are the kinds of battles that are often waged behind closed doors.

I vividly remember lying in bed alone one night. I turned my head and noticed my Bible gathering dust on the nightstand. I knew it was my life raft. I knew the power that book could wield in the midst of my struggle. Yet I was weak. I felt so weak and so hopeless; I couldn’t even physically lift my hand.  So, how did I regain my footing? One step at a time. Although I couldn’t lift a hand, I kept moving my feet. I showed up at church. I signed up for retreats. I tried small groups and eventually I landed in a Bible study with 2 women just a smidge ahead of me in life.  As I continued to seek my God, the God I had grown up learning about, I began to find Him. I found Him in relationships, I found Him in His Word and eventually I found Him in my everyday life. In the process of finding Him, I was finding myself.

As I once again experience the sands of my life shifting, I still falter from time to time. Just last week I had a mommy meltdown at the pediatrician’s office, a grumbling session at the grocery store, and a less than stellar attitude as a wife and mom. However, I have not completely lost my footing. There is a solid rock on which I now stand. He sees me, He knows me, He cares for me.  He knows my past, my present, and my future.  He is more than enough and I trust Him with all my heart.

Lord, You make all things new. Help me to embrace this season of newness to be Your hands and feet wherever You have planted mine. 

Psalm 40:2-3 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.